Alas

In a world were you trust none,

I trusted you, the one.

To hold by my side,

through peace, turmoil , joy, pain,

through love, sorrow, laughter and worry.

To hold by my side, to hold your heart,

 High up in my world,

And you, in yours, with mine.

I trusted you, the one.

I did not expect you to be my beacon in the darkness.

My only hope, Nay!

Darkness didn't exist anymore,

not in my mind , no longer in my world.

I trusted in you, as a friend.

As a companion and for life.

I trusted you, the one.

I did not want to own you

I did not want hold you,

from your own people.

You were mine, but

Not mine to own.

You were the love,

that I wanted , forever.

I trusted you, Alas.

Every word, Every action

Anything, everything, nothing

Nothing I said mattered.

Nothing I said was something.

My everything was your piece of dirt.

It grows in me.

A hatred past that love.

A small black tree , rooted deep.

Your empty words, empty promises, empty concerns,

Empty Actions, Duty and not concern

Nay.

I doubt duty too, Habit perhaps?

If anything I said ever mattered

You would have understood me better.

I trusted you, Alas.

My concerns were a tiny displeasure

Flicked away with the sands of time.

My words, and your deaf ears.

My worries and my owes,

Your defiance.

Alas.

To you, everything I woe for

Is my own creation.

My own self inflicted wound.

If you had looked hard, ever

You would have seen otherwise.

You would have acknowledged

Something that was always real.

But Maybe, It is self inflicted.

The only wound , You.

I trusted you, Alas.

In my moment of weakness,

I showed you my tears,

I yearned to be with you.

But alas, the time and the concern

You have for someone else,

Was and Is never to be mine.

And your face , not for my eyes.

I am glad I trusted you.

I learnt a lesson,

One too valuable.

Daddy's Little Girl.

Dear dad.

Once upon a time there was a little girl...

The father's little girl.

He carried her around everywhere.

Drove her in his bike

Bought her chocolates flowers and games.

He hugged her and made her feel safe.

I love you my lil princess he said.

Pink yellow blue and white

Flowers and frocks

Holidays and piggy back rides.

She used to feel safe

She looked up to her big daddy

It was a long time ago

I wanna be like daddy she used to tell everyone.

The days ran by,

she was no longer just a lil girl

daddy's little girl was no longer in his shell

the distances grew and sparks flew ahead.

Spitting fire and Hitting words

Blood and bones.

Scars and wounds.

Just as it happened was it over

He was back again with the smile

But,She searched for reasons

She looked for clues,

Everywhere

Leaving no stones unturned

and then it came

As she stumbled on it.

A secret sworn to a friend.

A secret that changed the life.

Battles and banishes.

He was no longer who she looked upto.

Shame came her when she remembered she wanted to be like him

Nay.

Not in this life.

Distances became greater than the bridges length

Regret?

Nay,

Disappointed words and thoughts haunt,

The memories of the past,

are merely a shadow of happy and yearning tears.

The blue bird.

Every once a while as I take a leisurely recline in  my balcony sipping hot coffee,  I see him.

I see the lonely blue bird, perched on the bare chocolate brown branches of the mango tree.

Its always the same branch, the same bare leafless branch.

He sits the for hours together , for no apparent reason and disappears just like how he came.

And again, I might be able to see him a fortnight later.

Give me an answer , Dear blue bird.

Who may you be?

You stare at me, to my eyes

A strong and unyielding stare,

With those perky eyes of yours.

Who may you be?

And what do you think ,

As you sit on that branch?

Touch your heart and tell me

What do you seek?

How Old are you?

I've seen you since I can remember,

Oh blue bird,

Who may you be.

Maybe you tell me a signless message

Stark blue feathers

and the Red lining around your throat.

Yellow big eyes.

I remember you,

Always will.

I watch you fly as I take another sip.

Melancholy soul.

I know you'll be back.

One hobbling man.

I don't usually write "diaryish" blogs.... 


but this incident had to be shared

"So after a ride that was met with a exceptionally high 

number of dead ends and pot holes,in my attempt find the 

hotel ,I have to accept I was a little pissed off with the turn 

of events after spending the whole of last month in an 

unusual amount of positivity (lets hope there is a word like 

that for my sake)

I placed my order with the waiter only for him to inform 

that they were out of that dish, and my mind voice went like 

"Dude it's only 8 PM !! "

He says "mudinchu pochu ma" 

So I "had" to get something else,which happened to be one 

of my good friend's favorite ( I am glad he wasn't there 

then :P. )  

So like the neatness obsessed freak I am, I washed my 

hands and came back, and that's when I see this really little 

man who was mopping the floor.

He looks at me and give this dazzling smile.

Needless to say , I was a little surprised but I smiled back 

to him with equal ado , and I definitely did feel better.!

Smile and the world smiles with you.!

The whole place looked a lot friendlier now, and I definitely forgot about the "inadequate menu", with a shift in my energy.That is when my dad drops his keys, and this little man rushed in to help my dad with the keys, and gave it back with the same genuine smile he have me a while ago.

I noticed he was limping and one of his legs was shorter than the other, yet enveloping all that and fading them away was his smile that radiated with energy."

Wherever I go, whatever happens, and how many ever situations I come across, this man, reminds me until today, 2 years later about one thing - the power is in our hands.

It is in our hands on how you want to react the way you want the situation to turn out as.

One doesn't have to be pissed or any such with an unfortunate turn of events , and a wise friend once told me "no one can hurt you without your permission". True that.

Just smile and feel good, move ahead, forward march...

Darkness and negativity will forget you exist.

Story of a girl.

There once was a young girl, who lived her life like every1 else.

Like every other girl, she used to look at the mirror, dress herself up, go out with friends, did just about everything else that a person does as they grew up.

She had her scars, pencil wounds, blisters, laughs , hugs, fights and love as she grew up.

She had her make up kits, dress up games, barbie doll plays 

and the nineties cartoons (<3)

As time went on , she grew into a fine young girl who loved the way life is,

despite a million reasons she had to shun herself into a dark corner.

she laughed along when people teased her

she cried to herself when she was alone and sad,

she spoke to her best friend like every other kid when she had a problem

she was an immature little girl

But as life has it way, it bites yu wen yu least expect it.

It bit her, more than her fair share of times.

she retaliated, she fought valiantly .

she was strong.

She grew up differently, yet she looked like all of us.

She found her way in life, through constant struggles.

She grew to love her difference.

She has her friends, they would do anything for her

and she grows up every day

into a young woman :)

Vengeance

I see the lies

I see the hatred

I see what is fake

I see the twisting smiles

Meandering around people

Selfish desires

I stand among the waves

Blue grey ocean

Gullible and innocent

The water laps at my feet

A smile is lost in the ocean

I see the green - Envy

I see the red - Anger

I see the deceit

I see the grey

I see the black with it - Vengeance

I can see through you

I see the white of the moon

The blue of the ocean

The sparkling waters

The golden aura

The twinkling stars

I know where i belong 

Reach Out

She Feels more alone than ever

surrounded by everybody

yet alone

perhaps she bought it on herself

through own will and making

she saw it coming

but was just never ready for it

yet.

she finds herself alone,

more alone than ever

amongst a crowd of friends

humans.

she's lost her identity from the past

scratches of the past 

remind her of her strength

she was better than this

than now

battling her demons

she is more alone than ever

but she smiles

and reaches out a hand

and they hold her hand. 

A Dedicated Post - Wolf.

The time is ripe and right for this post ..

about

the person who helped her grow up

people change and some changes are good.

be blessed if you went through the good.

she had a friend

they knew each other since early childhood

he was like a rock to her

someone who guided her

protected her and took care of her when she was too weak to walk by her own

he sat through all her drama with patience

he was patient

he was mature

he was right almost all the time

and he knew 

he was expressive through art

he had a fine voice (fine it was)

he took care of people

he bragged 

he was independent against the sun set

deep brown eyes and well set towards the goal

he knew to keep going even though he had no idea where he was heading to

he was in control

he had faith

he was playful 

he smiled and he was ever cheerful and positive

he was married to the idiot box 

he loved bhel puri and watermelon juice 

he loved to walk around 

and he still has his ludicrous lone wolf theory :P

and she hopes this helps him remember who he was

 welcome back amigo :).