Alas

In a world were you trust none,

I trusted you, the one.

To hold by my side,

through peace, turmoil , joy, pain,

through love, sorrow, laughter and worry.

To hold by my side, to hold your heart,

 High up in my world,

And you, in yours, with mine.

I trusted you, the one.

I did not expect you to be my beacon in the darkness.

My only hope, Nay!

Darkness didn't exist anymore,

not in my mind , no longer in my world.

I trusted in you, as a friend.

As a companion and for life.

I trusted you, the one.

I did not want to own you

I did not want hold you,

from your own people.

You were mine, but

Not mine to own.

You were the love,

that I wanted , forever.

I trusted you, Alas.

Every word, Every action

Anything, everything, nothing

Nothing I said mattered.

Nothing I said was something.

My everything was your piece of dirt.

It grows in me.

A hatred past that love.

A small black tree , rooted deep.

Your empty words, empty promises, empty concerns,

Empty Actions, Duty and not concern

Nay.

I doubt duty too, Habit perhaps?

If anything I said ever mattered

You would have understood me better.

I trusted you, Alas.

My concerns were a tiny displeasure

Flicked away with the sands of time.

My words, and your deaf ears.

My worries and my owes,

Your defiance.

Alas.

To you, everything I woe for

Is my own creation.

My own self inflicted wound.

If you had looked hard, ever

You would have seen otherwise.

You would have acknowledged

Something that was always real.

But Maybe, It is self inflicted.

The only wound , You.

I trusted you, Alas.

In my moment of weakness,

I showed you my tears,

I yearned to be with you.

But alas, the time and the concern

You have for someone else,

Was and Is never to be mine.

And your face , not for my eyes.

I am glad I trusted you.

I learnt a lesson,

One too valuable.

The Pain Inside

Sometimes I wish I could just be a little kid again.  So 


when life gets tough you can just play pretend.  I 


wanna go back to when Santa did exist.  When your 


daddy was theonly boy you ever kissed.  When Disney 


World was the best place to be.  When the only movies 


you could see were rated G.  When your biggest 


problem was learning to write your name and people 


didn't change...and your friends were the same.  And 


every time you were sad or you had a bad day.  You 


could just run to mommy and it would all be okay.  I 


wanna go back to no hurt...and no pain...just laughter.  


When everyone alwayslives happily ever after.

~ When I cry at night, the only thing I can think to 


myself is...how can I seem so---perfectly fine in the 


morning.  Why do I smile like nothing is wrong?  And 


how does not one single person notice that I'm not 


okay?

~ I don't know what I want in life.  I don't know what I 


want right now.  All I know is that I'm hurting so much 


inside that it's eating me, and one day, there won't be 


any more of me left.  Everything that ever cause a tear 


to trickle down my cheeks, I run away and hide from 


it.  But now, everything is unwinding and finding its 


way back towards me.  And I don't know what to do.  I 


just know that the pain I felt so long ago, it's hurting 


ten times more.

I just don't feel like I know myself very well right now, 


so how can I be sure about anything?  Most of the time 


I feel so awkward, you know, like I don't belong in my 


own skin, I get frustrated at everything, I could just 


scream and there's no reason for it, I just hate myself.

I'm not saying I have nothing.  I'm not saying I'm gone 


completely.  It's just sometimes it's all a bit too much 


to handle.  Sometimes I feel like it's too much.  I'm not 


going to do anything stupid because I know it will get 


better, it has to right?  Otherwise there wouldn't be 


anyone who would live past such times.  But for now, 


just for now, it hurts.

Have you ever lived my life, have you ever spent one 


minute in my shoes?  If you haven't, then tell me why 


you judge me like you do...

Open your mind for a second and think

What is....reality? 

Is anything around us real? Are we real? Is anything  


that we see around us real? What is "real"?


We are not our bodies.

The truth has to be something eternal right? Something 


that doesn't change. So is anything in this material world 


true? The senses we use to percieve the world.. What 


are we really percieving? 

If I pinched you, would you feel the pain or does your 


body feel it? 

Take water for example. In the summer, we like the 


contact of water for it is cold but we shun away the 


same cold water in winter.

It all depends on how we percieve it. This world, our 

reality, physical and emotional feelings. They are all like 

the seasons that change. They come and go. Nothing is 

constant. 

Change is constant.

So if everything changes, is any of it really real? The 


real truth is something that never changes. We are not 


our bodies. We are eternal beings. We can never really 


be born nor can we be destroyed. We are basically like 


energy. Spirit soul. 

That, is the truth. Not these material bodies, not the 


material world around us. All of this is an illusion. 




Maya.

Even the knowledge we spend our entire lives acquiring, is 


lost when we die. Whatdo we actually learn? All 


knowledge of the world we see, the universe we live in. 


Is anything really authentic? It was all studied and 


taught by other people. We merely learn what the 


thinkers of the past have left us with. Even the basic 


laws of science or the base of religion or anything we 


learn, what is real? 

Everything we know, is what we know through our senses 


and perception. There are so many things which we 


cannot percieve with our given senses. 

Take radio waves for example. We cannot send or 


recieve them. We use devices to do that. But just 


because we can't sense them, it doesn't mean they 


don't exist. 

Who knows what more we live amongst. There could be a 


whole different world existing among our own, let alone 


alien planets! For all you know, you could be a mere 


breeze in the wind to another being's perception. Every 


drop of rain could be the touch of an otherwise non 


percievable entity. You can never really tell. 




Dare.

Dare to not only think outside the box, but to step out 


of it. Dare to challenge the reality you have become 


comfortable sitting in. Step out of your comfort zone for 


one moment and dare to look at the infinite possibilities! 


Dare to think! Dare to dream! Dare to question all 


knowledge.

Are we really that arrogant to never accept the fact 


that we could be wrong? I mean 500 years or so ago, 


people knew the world was flat. Everything we know could 


be a lie. Every theory, every fact, every piece of 


academic breakthrough is mere speculation backed by 


apparent proof. But what is proof in a world that is 


constantly changing? Nothing. 

Do we even really exist? Am I actually typing this or are 

you really reading this? You'll never know. 

Fear.

fear of the truth grips us all. Only the strongest can 


dare to face and accept the truth for what it is. 

Have we become so afraid of finding out the truth that 


we have settled down and become comfortable with a lie 


we've made up after giving up on the quest for the 


truth? A lie that grows every living moment?

Think.

Maa and Sis , a teacher

Maa

birth giver

you gave me your flesh and blood

you gave me your unconditional love

you held my hand when i was scared

and you pulled away when i had to grow up

you fed me ur love and strength

you made me strong

you made me the woman i am

you taught me care, love, joy and sorrow

i love you Maa *muaaaahhh*

Sis

you were my very first friend

and friend you will be my sister forever

you gave me companionship

your trust and faith


you taught me to move past crap

you cried with me, laughed with me

and yu were there for me when the world went dark

*hugs*

love yu sis :)

dear ma'am

you were my second momma

you hugged me when i cried on the first day of school

you stood with proud shoulders the last day of my school

you taught me a lot of valuable things in life

thank you mom (ma'am)

happy woman's day ^_^

A Change In the Winds

Sometimes when it is just not worth it ,  i don't really 

see the reason why people pull through making a hell out 

of life for themselves and their loved ones for 

completely worthless and trivial issues.....

you know you're going to get back talking after all that 

yada yada shit..

well if its something small.. you better let   it go ,just 

put into that beautifuly carved drawer of the "unspoken 

words" ....

it'll not be forgotten

forgiving these  lil things in life make a huge diffenrnce 

there is absolutely no point in holding your stake against 

your loved one when you can very well spend the same 

time making memories

the way you are going to react to something is the whole 

difference in how you are going to shape your future

atleast your immediate future

this is not one of the “hey you gotta be nice to every 

other idiot down the road “ stuff…

so believe me or not.. make your choice... abandon or 

continue

starting from the way you react to your younger sister 

breaking your new pen to reacting to your own peer 

group.. its in your hands to shape up things....... 

reactions shape up the world around you..

its upto you to go screaming your head off, freaking your 

lil sis or giving her a loving kiss and letting go....

...

..for after all human relationships are more important 

than materialistic concerns.

the same could be put through for the “situations” that 

happen between friends...,

a simple misunderstanding or “over reacting “ (which so 

beautifully finds its way into every teenagers life) can 

lead to dragon fire spitting between the two friends…

this ofcourse did happen to me and one of my friends…

until today..

........wen I really learnt not hold my grudge… I was in 

no hurry to pick up a fight… I dint react to what she 

called a over reacting text :D

well god knows what she may be going through and if I 

can play my little role by not adding a load of my pile of 

dumbness to her plate it wil be a well appreciated 

favour… and quite predictably the issue ended in “hugs 

love yu”

 this would be in line for every1 of us…

and ofcourse this would only be my point of view from 

being a teenager,.. there is more to this . .. a wider 

field in the adult scenario which is sadly  ignored 

people don't just understand the value of letting go of 

tiny lil issues...

letting go can make or break a relationship...

the issue in hand…... in crystal clear words ...........

if your  buddy shows his or her anger at you.. think once 

before you react..

he or she may need a hug or  a reassurance that she r 

he is loved by you.. but instead they encounter more 

harshness to their already full plate....

now given that you react the right way.. and if they did 

apologize… accept it wid goodwill..cuz they’l mean it :D

for they are your friend in the end its going to be yu and them,,, why let these lil things tarnish the beautiful friendship? And evn if they dint ask a sorry.. once again no problem.. compromise.. wat r friends for afterall??

just let go.. go with the breeze ... no harm at all...